What Really Happened to Boris – revisited.

I can hardly believe that it is nearly three years since I published the piece below on LinkedIn, but thought you may like to reflect on it again.

Now, I am not casting doubt on anyone’s credibility and although Mr Gove did stab Mr Johnson in the back during the last leadership contest, I am sure he is a reasonable chap. And taking illegal substances when you are young and in a different career, is no eternal sin, it could possibly even make you seem a little more attractive. But perhaps taking cocaine a number of times when you are a thirty-year-old journalist, and then writing about it in a way that could be labelled hypocritical…….well……let me see, is this someone we can trust?

The Piece below was published 1 July 2016 during the Conservative Party leadership debacle.

What really happened to Boris is rather interesting. Those who pull the strings in the Tory party, and unfortunately, I can’t name them, decided that they had lost their nerve and it really could not have him at the helm of the country. The Monday morning article in the Telegraph showed that he was exhibiting some flaky tendencies and had to be stopped. So, phone calls were made.

Tory Chap. Hello Michael. Look we think Boris is going to make a cods of it and we need to stop him in his tracks. So, we think you should jump ship and stand yourself and that will split Boris’s support and you will be the leading contender.

Gove. But he may well beat me.

Tory Chap. No no we will call Boris and tell him what is happening, and he will withdraw at the last minute leaving you clear.

Gove. But I said years ago I didn’t have what it takes to be PM, and wont everyone think I am a back stabber.

Tory Chap. No, of course not, and no one will remember what you said a few years ago. They have even forgotten what you did at the Department of Education. So, the plan is you to put yourself forward on the grounds that Boris is not the man to unite the party and country. And perhaps before you announce you are running,  get your wife to leak a random eMail to sow a few doubts. Good luck.

So the plot thickened and the split was announced and then more calls.

Tory Chap. Hello Boris. Look we think there is a problem here and it is unlikely that you will get the backing of the party and it could all end up rather bad for you. So we would like you to stand down to let Michael go forward. Don’t worry though, you will get a great job in the new government and anyway the next four years will be a nightmare for the new PM and its likely in 2020 they will be gone. Then guess who we can call on to unite the party and country.

Boris. Err……..Nigel.

Tory Chap. No silly…..it’s you. You would have four years more experience, the country would be in turmoil and they would demand a hero to emerge. What do you think?

Boris. Your off your ******* head Nigel. I’ve prepared myself for this…… and I’ve ordered all those new suits from M&S.

Tory Chap. Boris, don’t call me Nigel, someone may be listening, and no one knows who I am.

Boris. Of course they know. And about Tony, Ken, Nick, George, Norman and all the rest.

Tory Chap. Well Tony is not involved any more as he has the Chilcot Report coming out soon. Anyway, will you do it. It’s for the Queen and country you know.

Boris. OK, as long as I can tease all those stupid press trolls at the conference and announce I am not standing, right at the last moment.

And so, it came to pass and very soon the phone lines were buzzing again.

Tory Chap. Ah Michael. All is going kind of to plan, …….. but, the feedback is……well……it’s just that many in the party and in the country still love Boris and think you are…….err…..they think you are a back stabbing, slimy little cretin. We of course think they just don’t understand .

Gove. What!….you said it would be plain sailing.

Tory Chap. Well that’s politics. Now, there is something else come up. We think that it doesn’t really need a pro Brexit candidate for PM. In fact, the others think that it needs someone untainted by proceedings and someone who looks good in Coco Chanel. So, we are going to………..

……………….Then I woke up. It had all been a dream. Well that will teach me to eat a cheese sandwich so late. How could such a strange tale be true.